


Romeo and Juliet except it's Dirk and Jake

by Ludic_darling, rhubarbarian, RoboBearMagnet, seademons



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Collaboration, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ludic_darling/pseuds/Ludic_darling, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhubarbarian/pseuds/rhubarbarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboBearMagnet/pseuds/RoboBearMagnet, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seademons/pseuds/seademons
Summary: Have you heard of Romeo and Juliet? Now imagine that but with Dirk and Jake instead. Yes. While we're at it, how about we add in a complex tunnel structure jutting out the back of Dave's closet where he encounters a shadowy figure that falls in love with him? Hold that thought.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome. This is a collab between me and some lovely people that will be properly introduced in the next chapter. We all brainstormed this together and ended up actually writing it. This isn't supposed to be historically accurate or even midly coherent; it's just a bunch of crazy people screaming about Dirk and Jake making out behind their houses. Welcome to our version of Shakespear.

> **What we know**

Engaged in the same battle for wealth and fame, the English and the Striders had never liked each other. Not particularly. They both occupied the same space in society, with class and money to spare, but had incredibly different tastes. The Striders were widely known for throwing huge parties, while the English had commendable work ethics; two households far too different to ever get along. Well, almost. Over the years, two girls grew to ignore their families and get to know each other better, regardless of what they thought about it. They snuck out and met in the dark, sharing secrets deep in the forest, falling in love away from it all. Their families knew, but didn’t know. One of them wanted to tell, but the other didn’t. It was complicated. When people began to talk, tensions escalated, forcing them to take actual precautions for anonymity. They built tunnels under their houses to meet safely, in secret, so no one would see them; a maze that only the two of them knew the exit to, out through the woods, in case they ever had to run. 

In one household, rumors died down, in the other, a secret was told: yes, she was a lesbian. Yes, she was in love, and the entire family went into hysterics--this had to remain among them. Arguments broke out, lasting weeks at a time, ruining every single meal that they had together. The house no longer knew peace. Down the road, the English noticed a commotion, and quietly revelled in their own home, despite not knowing what calamity had devastated their neighbors. Frankly, they didn’t care to know, even if one of them already did. Her fears came true not too long after, when her girlfriend informed her that yes, she had come out, and wanted the whole world to know. Her strength and confidence were commendable, but the English girl just wasn’t ready. Thinking about it gave her way too much anxiety; she just wouldn’t be able to do it. At least, not anytime soon. Her girlfriend understood that, but as time passed and their relationship remained hidden, it started to lose its grip. It no longer felt real. That just wasn’t how the Strider girl wanted to live her life, and, eventually, they parted ways. She took her mother’s maiden name, Lalonde, and skipped town. Meanwhile, the English moved from down the road to up the road; from the Strider’s right to their left. It was petty, yes, but the house on the left was bigger. The Striders never got over that. 

A family of trolls soon moved into the vacant house, but no one ever really gave them much thought. New in town, nobody knew them, and didn’t particularly feel like changing that, either. Despite how big they were, they seemed to keep mostly to themselves, even the children, which prompted the other households to do the same. Dave was actually the only one who got in contact with them. As soon as his parents moved him out of Dirk’s room, because, to them, he was getting a little too big to be sharing a bed with his brother, he noticed the hole in his wardrobe. The back panel came off to reveal it. Dirk told him that was where the shadow man came from; the one that stood at the foot of Dave’s bed while he was asleep at night and scared the shit out of him. He didn’t want to believe it, but Dirk was so serious about it that it took him years to actually gather up the courage to go in. It was probably just a hole in the wall, anyway. What he found were infinite tunnels under the house and a shadow that followed him from a distance. It was fucking terrifying. For the next two months, Dirk let him share the bed again, but always after their parents had already gone to sleep so they wouldn’t get caught. Interestingly enough, Dirk never actually explored the tunnels with him. 

Years passed by and the kids grew up into proper young men. In a show of one-upmanship, the Striders decided to befriend the Vantases before their enemies got the chance to. They would invite the Vantases over every other weekend for an afternoon snack in their backyards while the English watched over the hedges. It was the sort of pettiness they were known for. This is where our story begins. 

> **General family layout**

The Striders are a relatively small family. Dirk and Dave have their parents, grandparents, two aunts, one uncle, and no cousins. For this reason, they are very close to each other. On the other end of that spectrum, both the English and the Vantases are incredibly numerous. Jake has no siblings and many, many cousins, all of which are far older than him and pay him absolutely no mind; he practically grew up alone. Karkat, however, is surrounded by siblings and cousins young and old, who take up all of his parents’ and relatives’ time. He’s very close to his older cousin Kanaya, the only one that doesn’t annoy him in some way, and actually cares very much for him. They became so close that he often calls her mom. 

> **Character traits**

Jake English: thought he was straight his whole life until he saw Dirk out in the backyard wearing an open V-cut shirt that showed off his entire chest, short sleeves tight around his biceps. Kind of lonely and struggling with that; kind of a loner, anyway (a natural trait or a coping mechanism?); a one-track mind sort of guy. He wants to meet Dirk and talk to him and make friends with him (maybe he doesn’t exactly realize why at first, and only figures out his sexual desire for Dirk later on) and is willing to do pretty much whatever it takes for that, except approach Dirk (or any of the Striders) in fear of his family seeing him do it. 

Dirk Strider: 100% gay and out to his family, but only still in it because he’s never had a boyfriend or done anything explicitly gay. Most of his family isn’t even sure they believe him, because he’s so straight-passing at a glance, and maybe coming out was some sort of sick joke? Dirk’s never talked about his sexuality since then, but he doesn’t hide, either; he just has never had a chance to say anything else because the whole family just doesn’t talk about it, like, they don’t even mention Dirk’s romantic life in fear of uprooting that horrible joke and finding out it’s actually true. Instead, they hound Dave. 

Dave Strider: bisexual but still figuring that out for himself. He’s younger than Dirk and growing up listening and believing in Dirk’s bullshit has turned him into a sort of skeptic. He’s naive to the point where he still believes most of what he’s told (just in general), but he still has that little voice in the back of his mind that second-guesses everything. (They told me that, but… is it true? Did they mean it?) He’s fearless and confident and has a natural impulse to want to help others and explore places. As a very nice and generally polite guy, he subconsciously expects the same from others, so meeting Karkat and being introduced to  _ Karkat’s _ way of interacting with people really intrigues him. Maybe they don’t get along immediately, but the more their friendship grows, the more he starts to learn Karkat’s body language and what he really means when he calls Dave an asshole. 

Karkat Vantas: has been in love with Dave since he first saw him in the tunnels. Yes, he knew it was Dave the whole time, but just didn’t know how to even  _ begin _ to broach the subject. (Yeah, I’m the shadow who followed you in the dark and scared you for most of your life, nice to meet you!) He’s passionate about love and love stories and, because this is the Renaissance era, he expects nothing less than a fairy tale love story for himself, except he needs it to be Dave, and as far as he knows, Dave’s straight. The entire town knows of the fight between the Striders and the English, so expecting Dave to be anything other than straight is just out of the question. It doesn’t stop him from wanting to be with Dave or pursuing him, though, it just makes things a lot more hopeless. It hurts just how nice Dave is to him, so he hurts Dave in return, trying to get something out of him, trying to make a dent in his heart and  _ matter, _ but it probably doesn’t actually do anything. He just wants to make Dave see him, and turning into Dave’s best friend ends up being an unforeseen consequence of that. 

Well, let's begin. 


	2. Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each person's entry is numbered as follows: 
> 
> 1\. seademons  
> 2\. rhubarbarian  
> 3\. AllDaveKat  
> 4\. RoboBearMagnet

1\. 

The house next door was a sort of enigma that Jake had never really thought to demystify, or even consider doing it, due to the talk that it elicited from his family whenever it, or its inhabitants, were brought up in conversation. It wasn’t a secret that they didn’t get along with the Striders, or that the feeling was entirely reciprocal, but the initial fight had happened so long ago that he barely even remembered the reason why he should hate his neighbors to this day, although he was fairly sure it had to do with murder, just from how vividly his parents and uncles always cursed the Striders out over dinner. Their houses were far enough apart that he couldn’t exactly see into it from his bedroom, but could still catch glimpses of figures and shadows passing the windows at night, half-obscured by the trees and the hedges that were carefully kept between them as a sort of unofficial wall. There was no fencing separating them, or any physical barrier, either; only the deep-seated  _ choice _ of not interacting, or getting too close, and, if they could avoid it, even seeing each other. His parents, for instance, had someone in the house that would go out and look at the Striders’ front porch to gauge whether or not it was safe for them to leave without being spotted, or if they’d have to live with glancing at one of the Striders from about seventy feet away. There had been more than one instance when these lookouts had been fired for failing at spotting somebody behind the bushes. The hedges could get excessively tall sometimes. 

Personally, Jake didn’t really give a fuck, and mostly just followed the rules not to get in trouble with his parents. Without fail, he didn’t get close to the Strider’s house, or ventured into their backyard, or talked to them at all, and, instead, had private classes at his own house with a tutor that would teach him in the morning and take questions in the afternoon, going over what he had learned that day if need be. Undisclosed with his parents, but privy information to himself after digging it out with much, much effort was the fact that his tutor was  _ married _ to the Striders’ tutor and knew a lot more about them than he should. That was extremely fortunate news to Jake, who was just dying to know what went on in that house, but couldn’t really ask anyone, and ended up turning the afternoon into a moment of truth rather than clarification on his lessons, asking the man who lived in that house, what they looked like and what they spent their days doing. So far, he had gathered that the Striders only had two boys that were around his own age, while everybody else was much older and probably already married. The boys were blonde and had much lighter skin than himself, with one of them significantly taller than the other, and a couple of years older, too. Twenty, twenty-one; his tutor wasn’t exactly sure, but there was a high chance of him being the same age as the eldest one. Names weren’t discussed, but Jake figured that he’d never get them, anyway; it’d be pushing way too far. He knew that the boys shared much of his own agenda during the day, but his tutor didn’t really know what they did outside of that. Jake’s interest wasn’t enough of a reason for him to ask his wife about it. 

After the tutor left, he usually spent the rest of his afternoons out in the backyard where the sun warmed up his skin and cast shadows all across the lawn, crawling up the side of his house, touching the Strider’s house at an angle. He stared at it a lot more than he cared to admit, through the hedges and the flowers, catching glimpses of the servants walking across the back porch, up and down the steps, sweeping floors and wiping windows. The Striders didn’t go out very often, so he never actually saw them, only stared up at their windows and hoped that whatever shadow had just passed was one of them. If their sons were his age, why didn’t they go outside much? They had a big lawn and a really nice fountain; shouldn’t they be playing in it? Throwing water at each other, pushing each other in? If Jake had a brother, he would definitely be all over him, although he’d never tell his parents that, or the fact that he’d love to make some friends around here. The last time that he had asked them if he could play with the neighbors had been warning enough to never really talk about them. If he thought about it for more than a second, he could still hear the timbre of his mother’s voice and feel the grip of his father’s hand on his arm. With his heart racing, he booked it to the woods. 

Exploring and getting lost in the forest behind their houses was the only thing that got his mind off of the fact that it’d be much more fun to do it with friends and what his parents thought of it. They didn’t like that he ruined all of his new clothes one day into wearing them and always came home covered in dirt, but they never actually yelled at him for it, either, so he didn’t really care. He climbed trees, swung from vines, built tents and houses and had even started dabbling in whittling little statues with his new pocket knife, courtesy of his grandmother, the only one who understood him. Sitting by the fireplace after dinner, she would tell him of her younger years, venturing out into the wilderness herself and all of the knowledge that she had gathered while living within the forest. The advice was useful, and the stories were what he looked forward to the most all day long. Hiding in the foliage, behind big leaves and thick trunks, was when he only ever felt free, and was actually when he saw the Striders for the first time. 

They were a family of eight, sitting around a long, glass table out in the backyard, protected from the sun under the shade of two big, white umbrellas that let them enjoy a nice talk and some cold lemonade. Despite how similarly they all looked, and how beautifully they all dressed, though, in thin, white shirts and flowy dresses, spotting the two sons was fairly easy, because they both sat next to each other, and one of them was much shorter than the rest of the family. The shorter one had his back to where Jake was standing, safe within the shadows of the forest, while the other one sat at the end of the table and gave him a three-quarter view of a porcelain white face and perfectly styled hair, leaning forward onto an elbow, pillowing a chin into that hand. He talked to his brother, staring at him behind big, pointy sunglasses while swirling the contents of his drink with his free hand, arm moving with it, naked in the heat. He wore a dark vest and a short-sleeved shirt underneath it, open at the chest, with the strings untied and the buttons only fastened up to a certain point. Watching the two of them, Jake noticed how they didn’t really interact with the rest of the family, but kept the conversation mostly between the two of them, which was what he would probably do with his brother, too, if he had one. Did they make each other company? Did they like the same things? 

A servant approached the opposite end of the table and told the adults something that Jake couldn’t really hear from back here, but that he soon realized must’ve been introductions, because a big family of trolls walked in right after that, through the gap in the garden that separated the Striders’ backyard from the other house next to it. Seeing the younger trolls all talk to each other and promptly approach the Strider brothers at the end of the table made his heart jump; a feeling in his stomach, an excitement in his veins to rush out of the forest and introduce himself, too. Those guys not only had each other, but a bunch of other friends, as well, and it  _ killed _ him that he couldn’t be part of that, too. That he couldn’t come up to them and tell them his name and ask if anyone would like to come look at the fountain with him, or maybe go into the woods and jump into the nearby stream. It was a risk to even be watching this. His parents would’ve fucking killed him. 

2\. 

The day had already been a drain before this goddamn lunch, and the heat was brutal, even to Dirk, who always thought himself relatively heat tolerant. Thinking too hard for too long burns calories, and so does sweating half of his body weight, and after working with his tutor over lessons alone in the hot library all morning he needed to change. Change out of his full everyday clothes, and into something more appropriate for a fucking lemonade under the parasols.

Well enough, Dave seemed to have had the same revelation, as he met Dirk at the bottom of the stairs leading toward the back courtyard with a similarly loose and casual look. 

Without ceremony, Dirk walked right past family, ignoring anyone addressing him with smiles or standard pleasantries, and headed straight toward the seat at the far end of the outdoor table. Comfortable pillows on the seat, a parasol of his own, decently cool shading from the house, and being away from conversation made this the obviously perfect place for him. Basically designed for him. By the time he had sat down, comfortable enough in his positioning and in his well thought out strategizing for him and Dave, he realized that Dave hadn’t actually caught up to sit with him yet, and turned to check only to deliver a perfectly executed eyeroll at his entanglement with family. Whatever Dirk got away with slipping by, Dave clearly didn’t. Dave was convinced there was always something there he just didn’t understand, some kind of secret stoicism and confidence and casual manner Dirk could just pull off and get away with it that Dave never could manage. Either that or some other truth about things that was totally going over his fucking head because there was no way this was a coincidence at this point.

Dirk called out for Dave to come to sit with him, and somehow that managed to pull him away from family enough for him to get over and chill. He let out a huge breath he didn’t even realize he was holding as he flopped into his seat across from Dirk.

“Christ, the vultures are wilder when it’s hot. This is goddamn ridiculous,” Dave reached for a lacy fan on the table in front of him, sun just peering over the shadow of the house enough to get in his face. He huffed as he started to fan off his face. “I can’t take it anymore man, I swear I’m gonna keel over one of these days if I have to suffer even one more hot family luncheon gossip session.”

“They don’t actually have anything to say to you, you know.” Dirk moved his head lazily to hang a bit to the left, looking at him across the table over his sunglasses. “They’re just talking to you to talk. You can forget whatever they tell you, they’ll never ask you about it again. They only don’t talk to me because I’m not interesting enough to them.”

“Oh and I’m any more of a fuckin’ mystery?”

“Maybe. Might think you’re gettin’ into trouble or somethin’ and are just waiting for you to break.”

Dave’s face paled for half a second through the lace of the fan. “You know I don’t get into any shit like that what the hell?”

Dirk’s innocent brow raise convinced Dave well enough. “Hey man I’m not saying anything. I’m just lettin’ you know what I’m noticing. Maybe if you give them something to actually gossip about they’ll be talking to each other too much to be worried about talking to you.”

Dave sat in that for a second, scrunching up his own eyebrows trying to make any sense of all of that, but was interrupted by the introductions of their neighbors, walking across the path between gardens. Dirk watched Dave’s face smooth and light up before following his gaze over to Karkat Vantas and his siblings, making their way over to them. 

He talked with them for a moment, mostly sitting on the periphery of the conversation they were having with Dave, only interjecting things here and there whenever Karkat said something particularly interesting. Eventually, during a drop in his involvement in their conversation, he let his eyes wander around behind his glasses, checking the perimeter of the courtyard, checking the sky for the time. For just a second, in the trees on the opposite side of the yard, eyes. Those were human eyes, right? No fucking way. 

3\. 

Jake almost fell out of the tree when the older Strider sibling looked right at him. For a long moment, he thought maybe the fellow could  _ see _ him in his tree, here, and he held his breath. But then Strider looked away impassively, and Jake let out a sigh. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to meet his neighbor, or anything, it was just that he knew how much trouble he’d be in if he caused any sort of a scene with that family. It was better to watch without being observed himself, anyway. 

To sate his long-held curiosity, he tried to watch the whole family equally, but found himself unable to take his eyes away from the elder brother for very long. There was just something about him that Jake found magnetic. Alluring. 

He realized in a panic that his cheeks felt inexplicably hot, like they did when he saw a pretty girl passing by on the street. What… was this? He couldn’t stop looking at Strider’s face. His eyes were hidden behind dark glasses, but his plush looking lips were as visible as the day is long. They made Jake want… something. Something you were only supposed to want with girls. But Strider definitely wasn’t a girl. He shook his head to clear it of these inappropriate thoughts. Surely he was just experiencing abnormally strong curiosity for the gentleman, having heard so much about him but never being able to meet him before. And certainly, Strider was an attractive fellow, anyone could see that, plain as porridge.

After about an hour of sitting in the tree, with Jake unable to leave for fear of being spotted, the family dispersed from their luncheon. Most of them went back inside the house, and a few said goodbye and left in a carriage. 

Jake was about to climb out of the tree when he saw the older brother come back out of the house and start walking directly toward him. He froze. 

After only a few moments, Strider was standing right below him, looking up. “I can see you up there, you know,” he said.

Jake squeaked, and tumbled out of the tree, falling flat on his ass. He groaned and stood up, dusting himself off. Belatedly, he bowed politely to Strider, who returned the gesture. 

“I apologize for my abhorrent behavior,” Jake stammered, his cheeks flushed dark. “I really have no excuse, and I beg your forgiveness.” He hung his head shamefully.

Strider stepped forward towards him, until they were only an arm’s length apart. They were still hidden from view of the houses by the foliage, thank god. 

“I’m Dirk Strider,” he said, his voice betraying no emotion at all.

“Er-- Jake English.” Good lord, but Mr. Strider was even more attractive up close, and taller than him too. His hair was styled just so, and he had a dimple in his cheek. 

“Right, you’re my next door neighbor, aren’t you? The only son?” Dirk asked, but it didn’t really sound like a question. Jake wondered for the first time whether his neighbors’ sons had grown up just as curious about him as he had about them.

“Yes, that’s right,” Jake answered. “And you’re the elder Strider brother, I presume.”

“The one and only,” said Dirk. “My younger brother is Dave, you probably saw him sitting next to me today. Speaking of which, Mr. English, what exactly _were_ you doing today, hiding in a tree in my family’s backyard and watching our lawn party?”

4\. 

“Ah, yes. That old thing. Uhh, well…” Jake hesitated, tugging at his collar and looking anywhere other than at Dirk's distracting face. 

Jake pulled leaves from his hair to keep his hands busy as he thought for a moment. Considering their families’ disputes, it would be fairly obvious what one might assume of the situation at hand. Jake English, spying on the Strider family to rob them of their intel and sense of security. It was something Jake had heard fairly often at home, only that the Striders were accused of the spying. Now would be the perfect time for Jake to keep his mouth shut, and not say anything. Not a peep. Not in front of what was undoubtedly his enemy.

Yet, the longer he stood in front of this Dirk fellow, the more he questioned everything he’d been told. There had been kernels of doubt before, but now he’s having a hard time knowing what to believe in. The tall, handsome man in front of him hadn't lashed out in anger at him, hadn't been rude nor had he been anything but politely curious. And quite understandably so at that. 

Jake let out a breath he'd held in, and resolved to explain himself. It was the least he could do as a thanks to Dirk for letting Jake keep his head. For now.

"You see, I was out in the forest, as I tend to do, running after critters, following invisible paths and dreaming of a land far away from the madness that envelops my family, when... Well, I saw that you were all enjoying a nice day out! 

“A–and I'm well-aware I should not ‘meddle in foreign affairs,’ but..." Jake couldn't help the frustrated sigh that left his lungs. "I have lived my entire life next to your family and I have not once caught more than a glimpse of anyone in there. Why, when I was younger, I believed the place was haunted, and that you were all ghosts! Curiosity got the better of me, I’ll admit, despite all the reprimands, and I thought I’d… watch from a distance? So as to not disturb you?”

Jake’s heart hammered in his chest. He should not be talking to a Strider. Subconsciously, he touched his neck to protect it. If his family had gotten so crazy at the mere  _ mention _ of their neighbors, Jake couldn’t bare imagining what they would do if they found out about  _ this _ . 

“Well, truthfully, so I might save my own hide and avoid any bloodshed. But! I truthfully didn’t mean to disturb any of you during your afternoon tea, it looked to be quite lovely, and reminded me of how thirsty I was while in my tree… Blimey, I realize how it sounds now. I swear I did not mean-” Dirk let out a quick huff, quite possibly a laugh but more likely to be from annoyance. “Oh gods, I’m blathering on, aren’t I? Terribly sorry about that, I tend to ‘ramble’ when I get antsy, or so I’ve been told.”

Jake finished up with what he truly meant to say, muttering dejectedly. “I’m really sorry. About all of this. Even if I don’t live to see another day, it was nice meeting you, at least, Dirk.” Jake offered an honest, but resigned smile. 


	3. Round 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each person's entry is numbered as follows:
> 
> 1\. seademons  
> 2\. rhubarbarian  
> 3\. AllDaveKat  
> 4\. RoboBearMagnet

1\. 

His heart was beating out of his goddamn chest, and, okay, this dude? Jake English here? He was fucking handsome; he was just gonna come out and say it. This guy, this supposedly horrible and untrustworthy guy that his parents despised was kind of doing it for him right now. The run-on sentences, the bashful apologies, the string of nonsense that just couldn’t stop coming out of his full, round lips; it was attractive. Not to mention just how surprising it was to have a civil conversation with this man when he had grown up thinking that the English were all terrible people for no particular reason. In retrospect, he should’ve doubted that, but what kind of child would ever suspect their parents? Watching the color of Jake’s face as he ran a hand through his hair and brushed some leaves out of it, shirt sleeves riding up, biceps flexing, maybe this was all too good to be true. He had just caught this man spying on his family, after all; maybe there was some truth to those horrible claims, but the way that those bright green eyes looked up at him made his blood run warm, and the fact that they were both hiding from their families made his heart race. Shit, since when did he like danger? Whatever; this whole situation enveloped him in a sort of excitement that he had never felt before, and he told himself that he wouldn’t scrutinize it too much, or he’d ruin it completely. For once in his goddamn life, he just wanted to feel. 

“That’s fucked up, my man. Dudes don’t just go around spying on their enemies, risking getting caught just to know what they look like, so what’s your angle here, huh? What were you expecting to get out of this?” 

Green eyes doubled in size, cheeks growing darker in the shade of the forest. 

“Absolutely nothing, mate! I honestly just wanted to see you.” 

What the fuck? His heart punched him in the throat so hard that it almost knocked him breathless, blood cooling in his veins. That didn’t mean what he thought it did. 

“For the longest time, I really did think that your house was inhabited by ghosts. I was curious! Weren’t you?” Jake continued, eyebrows pinching together a little bit, jaw set, wide on his face. “Were you really never curious to know what we look like, too?” 

“Bro, I ride in my own lane. Hiding in the woods like some backwards Tarzan just to meddle ain’t my style. We barely even go outside just from the amount of fucks that we don’t give.” A pause, and something immediately clicked. Of course. “Shit, you know about the ball.” 

Eyebrows bounced up on Jake’s forehead. 

“Come again?” 

“You son of a bitch.” He exhaled, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re really going to ruin her fucking birthday.” 

“I apologize, Strider, but I truly haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re going on about here. Whose birthday is it?” 

His teeth bared in disgust before he could catch himself, and, with a disdainful scoff, turned around to walk back inside. It was far too obvious that the English would send their youngest and hottest asset to come spy on him, but still be just visible enough in the forest to catch his attention and get him to approach, because, honestly, on any other day, a man like this could’ve gotten absolutely anything out of him, and easily, too, but he wasn’t that much of an idiot to fall for such an amateur trap. If this guy weren’t an English, then their entire conversation just now would’ve turned out a  _ lot _ differently than this, but, even though he wasn’t the closest to his family members, or the most popular among them, there was still a sort of instinctive reflex inside of him that immediately jumped out to protect the Strider name regardless. Realistically, he knew that he hadn’t been born with it, but had it ingrained in his head during development, that his family must be guarded at all costs, and that their name must be respected despite reasons for criticism, but it didn’t really matter. Jake had the potential to ruin his aunt’s long-awaited return and he wasn’t going to let that happen. 

On his way out of the woods, he had to endure, and not yield to, Jake’s pleas to stay and his apologies for inappropriate behavior, which happened to be much harder than initially expected, but not something that he’d let himself fail at, because he simply never failed at anything. Jake’s voice was low and sweet, like a whisper to the ear, or a breath on the neck, but, shivering, he went against every nerve ending in his entire body that  _ urged _ to make him stay, and, instead, marched out of the forest. The moment he reached sunlight, there was a touch; a brush on the side of his arm, near his hand, that shocked him right through and made him turn around, wide-eyed, but hidden. Had it been a leaf, or had Jake actually touched him? Staring at the anguish on Jake’s face, stepping backwards into the forest, being swallowed by its shadows, he decided not to think about it, because it was a leaf, and it must have been a leaf. With a hand over his wrist, he finally went home. 

He didn’t tell Dave about any of this. Usually, when weird shit happened, they confided in each other pretty much immediately, but, for some reason, he didn’t feel like doing it this time. In bed, with fingers tracing the bottom of his hand, he watched Dave talk, and his mouth move, and thought of Jake in the woods; the color of his skin, the fullness of his lips, the shine of his eyes. Jake had followed him for a couple of steps as he left, and could very well have done it, but had he? No. No way, no; Jake was a fucking traitor, and if hiding in the shadows with him had given him a thrill, it was just because he was probably a slut for danger, and excitement, and the prospect of something different, not because Jake had... No. It was true that he stayed in his lane, and followed the rules, and played knight to his family’s name, but if Jake was literally on his way to tell his parents about the ball tonight, and ruin his aunt’s surprise birthday, then why didn’t he feel like snitching to his family? Why did his heart race and his hands grow cold at the mere thought of telling about his encounter to  _ Dave, _ the only one who he fully trusted? Unspoken of and undisclosed to the outside world; maybe they weren’t meant for onlookers, and maybe a handful of unsolicited visitors tonight would actually be the most interesting thing to have happened to him since, well, aunt Rose. 

“Bro?” Dave called, making his eyes move up to stare at Dave’s own. “Are you even fucking listening to me?” 

“Dude, if you want to fuck the neighbor so much, then just do it tonight and get it out of your system.  _ He’s _ not the one our family hates. You’re free.” 

The change of color on Dave’s face told him that his shot had not only successfully traveled through the dark, but also hit the target right on the money, as well. It wasn’t as if he had ever actually missed, though. 

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m chill. I don’t like him like that;  _ you’re _ the gay one here. I just don’t know why he’s such an asshole all the time, and I don’t think that wondering if it was  _ me _ who pissed him off personally, or somebody else, or if maybe he’s just  _ like that _ equals me wanting to fuck him.” 

“Man, if you’ve been  _ wondering,” _ here, he quoted the air for emphasis, “that all goddamn afternoon long, then, yeah, it qualifies for a quick fuck in the coat room after the first four songs, but before the last three. Sorry, it’s the gay code; you know I don’t make the rules.” 

2.

He felt Dave’s eyes look him up and down, turning from defensive to suspicious. “What the hell is up with you right now dude? I’ve been trying to talk to you all afternoon. Where are you?” Dave nudged him in the leg. “Spit it out, you’re clearly not gonna listen to me with whatever’s on your mind clogging the pipes.”

Dirk shoved him right back off. “Oh fuck off man. I’m not here for this right now, and you know we’ve got too much going on tonight for me to worry about whatever bullshit drama you have going on with your years-long crush on the neighbor boy again okay. We’ve got real shit to handle tonight.” Ouch. Instant regret. Too late to fix now though, just gotta deal with any collateral damage.

Dave immediately pulled back, face falling back to stony neutral. Damnit, Dirk didn’t get the public face like this. He mirrored Dave’s calm expression, keeping everything behind his curtain of stern neutrality, but still felt the stab of what he’d just done. “Uh, fuck, you’re right. Sorry Dirk I… yeah I’ll just leave you alone I guess. Okay. Yeah. I’ll see you at the ball.”

He stepped back out of the room, head hanging down, only turning to look back at Dirk for a second. A look Dirk couldn’t bring himself to meet. Fuck.

Dirk fell back on his bed to sulk for another few minutes before finally resigning himself to calling for another bath to be drawn for him. They’d learned to stop asking about it whenever he called for multiple in one day, thankfully enough. He needed silence for awhile anyway. Something Dave wasn’t very helpful with.

Once Dirk let himself sink into the hot water, lavender scented steam rising up and opening his pores, his mind flooded with guilt. Thoughts of Jake’s dark hair sliding through his fingers, his eyelashes against his cheekbones, swirled and mixed with reminders of Dave’s hurt like water in a pool, overwhelming all of his senses. God, he couldn’t even keep track of one thing to feel shitty about at a time before losing it in the current. 

He had already done a decent amount of mental preparation for tonight’s ball. Not unlike usual. Just a few months of running through scenarios in his mind. Any fuckups from within were planned for, rumors from around town, unexpected visits from any particular Vantases. All of that he had mulled over well enough that it was basically a fuckin’ hot spiced wine.

Never once did he deign to consider that the other neighbors would actually dare to fuck shit up like this. Today of all fucking days. He couldn’t think of any reason why, but he knew he didn’t need one. They didn’t need one. Whatever beef they had didn’t matter, protecting the aunt he didn’t know and his family name mattered, if anything for the sake of him and his brother.

And who cares if the most drop-dead gorgeous dude Dirk had ever seen got in the way of it? That didn’t matter either. It didn’t matter that Dirk never had much of an opportunity to explore his attraction, never got to know many other guys in town, never even  _ seen _ anyone as stunningly beautiful as Jake in his life. The curve of his lip in his clumsy half-smile didn’t matter, and his heart-meltingly awkward chuckle didn’t matter. If other people could handle their attraction when it’s inconvenient, then goddamnit so could he for fuck’s sake. 

He would just wait until they showed up, he decided. He wasn’t going to make a scene about it, not going to tell anyone. Maybe a better protector would’ve gone over to stop it early, but the idea of making a bigger scene than he already was anticipating was unacceptable. Also less interesting. Maybe Dave would even forgive him afterwards, if they both had something to do tonight besides just sit around and look pretty?

3.

Dave left Dirk’s room feeling hurt, and annoyed with himself for feeling that way. He’d just been trying to help, but Dirk had completely lashed out at him instead of letting him in. He was used to that kind of attitude from their father, who seemed to think that showing any kind of emotion was a sign of weakness and/or homosexuality. But Dave could always talk to Dirk about anything. At least, so he’d thought. Maybe that wasn’t true anymore.

And knew Dirk was just being an asshole, but the things he’d said… about Dave being  _ gay _ and having a  _ crush  _ on Karkat. Ugh, Dirk was just getting in his head, that was all. Dave wasn’t gay, he didn’t have a crush on anyone, least of all his neighbor. They were just friends. Just because Dave’s heart sometimes beat a little faster when he saw Karkat, because he could appreciate the way his friend looked, in a  _ platonic _ way, didn’t mean he was jonesin’ to marry the guy or anything.

Dave went to his room to read a book and sulk. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now. After a couple hours of moping around and half-paying attention to the book he was supposed to be reading, it was time to get ready for the ball. His butler arrived punctually at seven o’clock in the evening to help him dress. After nearly an hour of cinching waistbands, buttoning up rows of buttons, and styling his hair and makeup, he was finally deemed presentable and permitted to leave his room. 

He went downstairs to the ballroom. The guests wouldn’t begin arriving until at least nine, but Dave had nothing better to do, so he just hung around in the refreshment room, getting in the way of the preparations and trying to sneak a biscuit from the cook. 

When Dirk came downstairs a bit later, Dave purposely avoided acknowledging him and stayed on the other side of the room. As guests began arriving, it became easier to avoid his brother, but Dave kept having to greet new people and he just wasn’t really in the mood for it. There were a few pretty girls here, and normally that would have been enough to keep his interest for the evening, find someone to talk to and flirt with to stay entertained, but all he could think about when he looked at them was the stuff Dirk had said.

And then, the guest of honor arrived. Aunt Rose. Dave had never met her before, had barely heard anything about her aside from the whispers of the kitchen staff and a couple theories of Dirk’s. All he knew was that she’d been banished from the family years ago, for some mysterious reason, and had never come back again. Until today. 

4.

Rose heaved a delicate sigh before she entered the Strider residence. The household presented itself much more pleasantly and festive than expected, including dramatic decorations and fancy catering. Rose suspected it was just as disingenuous as it all felt. 

Slight insecurity crept to the forefront of her mind as she walked up the first few steps of the manor. She was reminded of all the nights she spent awake, sneaking about on the cold stone floors, listening for footsteps amidst the silence, keeping her light dim in case anyone else wandered around, cursing her heart for hammering so loudly in her ears. How, some nights, she was simply overcome with meddling thoughts of a beautiful summer girl in green. She remembered a feeling like a heavy metal chain wrapping itself around her chest at a particular conversation with her kin, ending in anger and disappointment. Rose could no longer remember the words, for they hurt too much. The emotions were the only thing that remained; dulled, but still undoubtedly alive.

Rose blinked out of her thoughts, glancing at her surroundings once again. She paced through the tall entrance hall, littered with ornaments and newer paintings all leading to the most important rooms in the manor, including the ballroom. It seemed the Striders had a similar idea to hers by overplaying the occasion; although, instead of lavish decor, she had decided on dressing dramatically herself, as to demand attention for every precious second she stayed. 

Rose felt confident in her attire crafted by her own hand. A slim, slightly ruffled dress of a violet base with darker layers over the line of her bosom and atop her lower back. Black ornaments akin to darkened vines nipped at the edges of her dress, alluding to an ominous, undead nature in the process of consuming her. Lace traced the length of her arms all the way to her knuckles, and black lipstick contrasted her fair skin. On her head, short hair with flowers atop the left side of her head. In Rose’s undoubtedly correct opinion, she looked bold and absolutely stunning. The materials used in the other girls’ dresses came nowhere near the simple elegance nor the richness of her own silk fabric. Rose had spared no expense in it’s acquisition.

As she came closer to the ballroom, Rose saw her younger nephew greeting the rest of the guests like a perfect gentleman. She was struck at how much bigger he was than when she last saw him. It saddened Rose to think she didn’t see her nephews’ growth like she could otherwise have done. Too late to think such things now, she supposed. Rose approached her youngest family member, and automatically curtsied once she was spotted,

“Hello, Dave,” Rose began, kindly. She had no reason to expect crudeness from him yet. “What a gentleman you are, greeting all of these strangers into your home only to expect an enormous mess by the end of the night.” Rose dismissively glanced over to the rest of the crowd mingling amongst themselves, slowly becoming aware of the esteemed guest’s arrival.

Dave, in turn, uncharacteristically struggled to find the words to adequately reply. This woman looked to be the more refined version of his mother, comfortable in her own skin, dismissive of the attention she received and direct in her assertions. Dave could find no doubt in his mind that this was his mystery aunt, and he so wished to make a good impression on her. 

“Good afternoon, Aunt Rose,” Dave finally thought to say, face blank as usual. A few seconds later, he thought to also bow back. Rose chuckled privately at his unintentional display. She’d found it odd he hadn’t smiled as per host policy, keeping mental notes on how her siblings had raised her nephews thus far. Perhaps he was nervous, and hiding emotion was a developed defense mechanism. Rose suddenly felt compelled to spend quality time with Dave later, but she was on a mission and the other guests were getting antsy. 

“Dave, dearest, would you accompany me through this crowd of clowns to find the head of the circus?” Rose whispered. It wouldn’t do her much good if gossip went around of her necessary comments to the intended targets. Nevertheless, Dave quirked a small smirk at her words, so Rose counted it as an absolute win.

“Of course, Aunt Rose, I would be honored.” Dave turned to face the same direction as Rose, and offered his arm. “May I?”

“Why, of course,” Rose replied, a small smirk of her own playing on her lips as they walked through the crowd feeling like the most important people in the world.


	4. Round 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each person's entry is numbered as follows:
> 
> 1\. seademons  
> 2\. rhubarbarian  
> 3\. AllDaveKat  
> 4\. RoboBearMagnet

1\. 

The insincerity with which his parents and relatives greeted his aunt after so long apart was as shocking as it was appalling. Fake smiles were immediately put on their faces the moment she arrived, prompting them to give her light hugs, touches on the back and disingenuous comments about her outfit; how bold it was, and how attractive she looked in it. Had she hand-sewn it herself? Yes, she absolutely had, and the dramatic touches were all entirely purposeful. There was a shift in the atmosphere, something hanging in the air, a question that nobody dared ask, and if Dave just knew what was going on, or had more than a sort of surface-level knowledge on his aunt and the situation that had ran her out of his house, he probably would’ve caught onto the underlying issue that was her sexuality. Was she still seeing women, for God’s sake? Did she still fuck them? Questions that were held back behind pearly-white smiles and slightly wrinkled eyes. A wide and satisfied smirk from Rose herself, and he would’ve known that the answer was yes, and it would always be yes. At this point, she had learned to respect herself far too much to want back into this family. 

Surprisingly, when he excused himself away from his parents, Rose decided to come with him, rather than stay with the adults for further conversation. Because he had no idea what was happening, he thought that that was pretty cool, and getting chosen by the birthday girl to hang out with at her own party seemed like a compliment, which he took as such, cracking a small smile at her when she took his arm to walk away with him. His heart skipped a beat; he had to give her his best behavior and prove to her that she had made a good choice, starting by whispering to her about all the people currently in the house that she might not have known, just so she wouldn’t be out of the loop. That was the doorman, that was the charioteer, those were the housekeepers, that was the waitstaff, and that was his brother, kind of hanging by the stairway with a glass of champagne in a hand. He let her know that their neighbors would be coming, too; the Vantases next door, and that she shouldn’t worry, because he’d introduce her to them all. They were many, and probably wouldn’t expect her to catch all of their names all at once, so she didn’t have to worry. With violet eyes fixed on Dirk, she told him that that wouldn’t be a problem, and began to walk towards him, tagging him along. His resistance to follow had her stopping to throw him a glance. 

“What’s the matter? Why are you hesitant to approach your own brother?” A skeptical pause, and he could feel his own cheeks burn, but she continued before he could say anything, violet eyes squinting. “What did he do?” 

“Nothing; he’s just being weird. I was trying to talk to him earlier, but he kept projecting on me and spacing out instead of listening. There’s obviously something on his mind, but he doesn’t want to tell me, which is fine; I don’t care. He doesn’t have to tell me anything.” It cut through him to say it, but he did his best to keep any emotion from showing in his speech, eyes off at the ballroom and the orchestra that was just about set up to play. A heartbeat, and music began to flow, filling the air with a soothing rhythm that reverberated off of his chest and sent a shiver down his spine. Tightening the hold on his arm, his aunt pulled him across the room. 

“Well, it’s high time to solve this one, then, isn’t it? Dirk was a sweet child when I left him; I don’t believe he could’ve grown up to mimic my sister. Come.” 

“He’s, well.” A pause, and he cut himself short, because it didn’t matter. “You’ll see.” 

Pointy glasses easily found them along their approach and prompted Dirk to bow elegantly to their aunt, keeping his champagne safe in a hand as Rose bowed slightly in return, eyes fixed onto her nephew the entire time. She smiled a small one, but wasn’t reciprocated. 

“Happy birthday, aunt Rose. We’ve missed you.” 

Did Dirk know what had happened? The thought crossed his mind with a beat of the heart and was immediately debunked, because if Dirk knew, then he would’ve told him. All of these years of joking around the topic and making him believe in multiple, idiotic lies meant that he was just as clueless as Dave himself. Right? His blood ran cold, and a replay of the scene earlier hit him, and, God, he  _ hoped _ that he was right. He hoped that there wasn’t more to his brother that he didn’t know, and that he had been willingly kept in the dark about, because Dirk was the only one that he had in this house; the only one that he could actually trust, and he wasn’t ready for that to change. He couldn’t bear the thought of it. 

“I’ve missed you dearly, little Dirk. How old are you now? Twenty?” A nod from him, and she continued. “My, I remember when you were ten! Sitting in my lap, reading to me, telling me all about the studies of mankind. Are you still obsessed with science?” 

“Yes. I’m actually considering going to college for that next year, despite how much father wants us both to become lawyers.” 

“Well, your character is so much like his already; perhaps following in his footsteps would be perfectly ideal for you.” 

“You think so?” An eyebrow poked up from behind sharp rims. “I have to disagree. Despite the successes of his career, I have to say he’s one of the lamest dudes I’ve ever met, while I’m the epitome of cool, which I’m sure you’ve already noticed. In that, we differ drastically.” 

“And the fact that bro’s the only gay person in this house.” He added, watching how that got pointy glasses to look at him next, turning a fraction of a degree in his direction. His heart skipped, jaw setting. 

“Inaccurate, dear Dave.” Rose corrected him, taking a step closer to Dirk to turn and glance at him. “That would make  _ two _ gay people under the same roof.” 

“Oh.” 

Suddenly, everything made sense. 

“I had no doubt.” Dirk commented with what was probably another fabricated lie; his field of expertise. Could he make a career out of that? 

A commotion by the front door; voices and people scuttling about, and they all turned to see the doorman introduce the Vantases, making his heart race, blood loud in his ears. The orchestra played a short note as the doors opened and the family came in, all dressed in velvet and silk, bearing feathers on their heads and shawls on their shoulders, walking in as if in a parade. Karkat was one of the last ones in line, with a perpetual scowl on his forehead and general vexation hanging about him as one of his siblings elbowed him in the ribs and caused him to immediately elbow them back. There was a bit of a back and forth there, with the two of them and a few others shoving each other, but only until one of them accidentally bumped into one of the adults, which made them turn around to scold the lot and put them all in their respective places. It reminded Dave of when his brother would steal his dessert and eat it and unleash a small fight that always ended with both of their parents pissed off and no replacement for him. Going up against Dirk always yielded him a loss, and he briefly wondered if Karkat felt the same about his other siblings. 

“Dave, darling, who’s that woman in jade green?” Rose asked him through a whisper, leaning closer to indicate one of Karkat’s cousins, who he didn’t really know the name of. 

“Um. Uh.” 

“Kanaya.” Dirk answered, cutting his stutters off to do it. It put color on his cheeks and shut him up immediately. “She’s one of Mr Vantas’ granddaughters.” 

How the fuck did Dirk know that? Had he actually been paying attention to the adults over lunch this morning? Ugh, he wanted to kick himself. Why hadn’t  _ he _ done the same? God, at this point, what  _ didn’t _ his brother know? To further her curiosity, Rose left his side and stepped closer to Dirk, making his heart squeeze and his hands close into fists; something inside of him aching, though he couldn’t really name it. It was new, and unwelcome, but it made sense that Rose would like Dirk more, and want to speak to him instead, and spend her party by  _ his _ side, because they were two of the same, and Dirk was a lot more useful to her than he would’ve ever been. In the end, she didn’t need him to introduce her to the rest of the guests, because she already had Dirk, so. Whatever. Leaving the two of them alone, he crossed the ballroom towards Karkat. 

2.

Dave tried to look as smooth as possible, but Karkat clearly didn’t pick up on it. He was still just in his regularly pissed and unapproachable mood. Obviously this didn’t include Dave, conveniently enough, but goddamnit he wanted them to look like they were both in on something too. If Dirk and Aunt Rose can hit it off well enough that quickly, he wanted to at least try and show that he had people things were easy with.

Like Karkat. Things were easy with Karkat.

Even with all that horseshit Dirk said earlier this morning. Suddenly as all of those awful memories flooded in and Karkat turned around and instantly went straight for the heart-piercing eye contact, snarling as ever, it became twice as hard to be smooth. Damn Dave if he didn’t try though. Casually as ever, even through the fluttering in his stomach and hot flush over his body from the pinning gaze Karkat would  _ not  _ let up on, he leaned up against a pillar in the lobby next to Karkat, crossing his arms and leaning his head down toward him like they were sharing a secret. And he supposed they were. 

“Glad to finally see a familiar face tonight. This family reunion feels more like a crowd of strangers I swear,” Dave mutters just loud enough for Karkat to hear, cutting his eyes away to break contact while talking. Even behind the glasses Karkat’s intensity was too much sometimes.

Karkat’s eyes narrowed, looking him up and down skeptically. “What the fuck are you on about now, Dave? I thought you were excited to meet your aunt? You wouldn’t shut up about it all month and now all of a sudden, now that she’s here, you don’t want to fucking see any of your family?”

Dave flinched a bit under the criticism. “What? No, it’s not any of that, man. She’s great. I just, I don’t know. I just don’t know her. She’s new to me and it’s harder to keep much conversation, you know?”

“So, what, you just come over here to pester me because I’m easier?” Karkat threw back at him. It didn’t seem terribly aggressive to Dave, not more than usual. Not when put against all the other Karkats in his memory. He rolled his eyes before meeting Dave’s again.

“I mean, yeah,” Dave shrugged. “Unless you’re hurting to spend time with your family it kind of looked like we were in the same position again.” He pointedly diverted his gaze to the flock of Vantases making their way through the lobby, younger kids elbowing each other and crawling over each other to get through, older ones balancing poise and great contempt. None of them exactly on Karkat’s level. Dave’s experience with Karkat and his family made him familiar enough to know that was true. His many siblings caused him grief or strife, or just didn’t share enough interests to really spend any time hanging out together, and any of his older siblings or cousins were usually too outside of his reach to be any fun, except for Kanaya. Usually Karkat would be spending energy envying Dave his rapport with his brother, but today Dave supposed he wouldn’t have to worry too much about that separating them. 

“Fuck no,” Karkat scoffed, “Kanaya’s probably gonna be busy meeting with the other adults in our families tonight anyway. I’m fine with you coming to bother me if that’s the plan for tonight. Honestly, anything to make this night go faster would be a fucking reprieve.” Karkat sighed and pushed up the cuffs of his doublet. “Fuck I hate this shit. This isn’t even mine, it’s Kankri’s. I’m borrowing it for tonight and not only does it not fit, it’s itchy as all fuck. He’s grimy as shit and who knows when this was even last cleaned.”

Dave finally took a second to let himself look Karkat over, and noticed the contrast of the bright red jerkin over the charcoal doublet. Even if he said it doesn’t fit him well, the colors definitely worked for him. He tried not to think too long about the way it complemented the shade of his skin, or his hair. Couldn’t prove Dirk right. Karkat grimaced as he tugged at the collar of the jerkin around his neck and eventually just gave up on being comfortable, letting his arms fall to his side in frustration, hands in fists. “Anyway. Where can we go to linger away from all of this?”

A smile creeped up at the corner of Dave’s mouth. “Yeah let’s get out of here. I can’t go too far, familial duties and all that. But…” he looked over to Dirk and his aunt again. They were still talking, but much more animated. To outsiders it might look like a rather dull conversation, but to Dave, Dirk might as well have been shouting and laughing like a drunk with how excitable he was. And Aunt Rose seemed to be just as interested, even despite her occasional glance toward the Vantas family. Kanaya, Dave supposed. They seemed to have it under control. “Actually, nah, let’s just go. Dirk’s got it handled, I’m sure. Do you wanna dip out to the back for a bit? It’s getting kind of stuffy in here anyway.”

Karkat’s eyebrows raised up behind thick tufts of hair. “Fuck, are you sure? Can you do that? I mean, if that’s a yes then absolutely. God, get us the fuck out of here Dave please. I’ll go anywhere you take me.”

Dave tried to make his chuckle sound less nervous than that made him. “Heh, yeah I’m serious man. Come on, let’s go. Special escort.” He took Karkat’s hand and pulled him behind his back, taking them along the edges of the room against the wall, being discreet as they slipped out to the back courtyard. 

Firelight and torches along the edges of their yard gave a dim glow to the otherwise cool and dark atmosphere. It was relatively bare compared to inside, and quiet too. The din from inside became a white noise once Dave closed the door behind the two of them, and the sound of crickets and cicadas filled the spaces left. Dave exhaled a deep breath of relief as soon as the cool outside air hit his face. “Here we are. Much better, yeah?” He instinctually squeezed Karkat’s hand a bit, not realizing he was even still holding it.

Karkat, grateful for the sudden lack of light, turned his head down to avoid showing his blush. He otherwise remained stock still, totally frozen with Dave’s hand on his own. “Yeah this is better. Fuck what are you even supposed to do at these things anyway. I swear I wasn’t designed for these kind of parties.”

Dave took a step forward and pulled his hand away from Karkat’s, immediately using it to scratch the back of his neck. He looked up at the stars and fireflies framing the treeline at the end of the courtyard as he caught his breath. Karkat looked up at him, meeting his eyes as he nodded for him to follow behind as he walked out further into the yard.

They made it to the end of the courtyard without any conversation, just slowly walking together. Two friends getting some air. Dave knew it was a pretty regular and otherwise innocent situation, and reminded himself of that when his conversation with Dirk crept back up in his mind. Karkat’s hair moved so softly through the cool air as they walked, and he wasn’t gay. Dirk was in a weird mood earlier, and he and Karkat were best friends and good neighbors. Fuck what was Karkat thinking about? Dave tried not to worry too much about that before he got caught up in reading his face for too long. That might’ve been more dangerous than he was willing to admit anyway.

Karkat on the other hand was basically having a breakdown. All of his nerves were at 100% attention and he was spending a lot of energy just trying to be chill about everything. His clothes were hot, and the cool air outside was nice. He tried to focus on that, and not on how Dave just pulled him back into possibly the most romantic situation they could have ever stumbled into. When they stopped at the treeline, Karkat looked up at Dave, face as neutral as he could manage. “This is nice. Much better than whatever bullshit they had going on in there, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks for coming out here with me, man. I needed to get out of there for awhile and being outside alone is a huge bummer.”

“Oh. Yeah of course,” Karkat brushed it off like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I mean, I would’ve just been looking for an out the whole time anyway, so.” 

A slight movement in the trees behind Dave caught Karkat’s eye then. So slight he wondered if he made it up. He let his eyes linger there for a minute, following his suspicion as Dave went on to talk about whatever else.

“You know, I don’t even know what was up with Dirk in there earlier today? That was what was bothering me earlier if you were wondering. He was acting all weird and then immediately latched onto Aunt Rose and…”

The same area moved again, a bit louder this time. Dave clearly didn’t catch it over his own voice, but Karkat’s eyes scanned the area a few more times after hearing it only to catch a green glint in the trees a few yards behind them. Maybe eyes? Maybe human? The figure’s head turned as Karkat’s glare latched onto it, and the glint turned into the shine of two distinctly human eyes.

Immediately, Karkat pushed Dave back with his arm and bolted into the forest after the figure. He managed to get enough of a shout to tell Dave some of what was going on but ideally not to freak him out: “BACK UP SOMEONE’S OUT THERE!”

3.

After his confusing confrontation with Dirk Strider, Jake spent the rest of the afternoon working off his nervous energy by exercising in his family’s home gym. They had several fitness contraptions made of mahogany, with pulleys and weights designed to help increase strength. He liked to use them on the days he wasn’t hunting or adventuring, in order to stay in tip-top physical condition. 

He found himself lingering by the front window at nine, watching the carriages pull up and drop off guests for the ball next door-- for “her birthday party,” Dirk had said. He wondered who “she” was. His mother, perhaps? Jake was desperately curious to find out, but he knew he shouldn’t go back over there tonight. He wasn’t wanted, obviously, and that his parents would kill him if they found him sneaking out. Anyway, even if he went over there, what was he going to do? Sit in a tree and spy on them again? Ridiculous.

An hour later, cursing himself internally for his infernal curiosity, he found himself tiptoeing down the back stairs at half past ten to do just that. 

He’d just made it up into the tree, and realized he couldn’t actually see jack shit inside the house from here, when he heard voices. Dave, the younger brother, stepped into view, with another boy following behind him--it looked like the same fellow from the garden party earlier today. Jake crouched down quickly to hide himself from view, then froze as the non-Dave boy looked right at him. He held still, but his balance was awkward and he lost his footing, nearly falling out of the tree before he grabbed onto a branch. 

He looked up to see if he’d been spotted with his flailing around, and flinched as the boy watching him suddenly yelled and started running straight at him. Holy shit. Jake leapt out of the tree, crashing onto the forest floor, his ankle twinging in pain. Shit. Despite the discomfort, he took off running. Usually he was a quick runner, but his ankle was slowing him down, and the other boy was  _ fast _ . He only made it a few dozen feet down the trail before he found himself being tackled vigorously, landing face down in the dirt with his arms held roughly behind his back. 

“Who the fuck are you?” his attacker screamed in Jake’s ear. Jiminy Christmas, but this guy had no semblance of chill whatsoever.

“What’s it to ya’?” Jake growled, flustered and embarrassed at being caught so easily.

Before the other boy could respond, he heard running footsteps coming up the trail. 

“Jake?” he heard in a voice he recognized immediately. Fuck. 

He turned his head to look up at Dirk’s handsome face, staring down at him impassively, with Dave standing behind him. 

“Hi Dirky ol’ boy,” he grunted. The weight of the fellow on his back was starting to make it difficult to breathe. “Could you tell this gent to please let me up?”

The grip on Jake’s wrists threateningly in the brief silence that followed his plea. 

“Alright, let him up, Karkat,” Dirk finally said. 

Karkat grumbled but complied. Jake sat up and gingerly moved his ankle--shit, yeah, that was definitely a sprain. He guessed he’d have to make something up about a hiking accident or some such, to explain the injury to his parents. 

Dirk stood over him threateningly, his crotch right at eye level. “What the hell were you doing in my backyard again, English? Shit, I knew you were up to something. What do you have planned? I know you’re up to something.”

“I wasn’t up to anything!” Jake protested. “I simply had an overwhelming bout of curiosity about this so-called birthday ball tonight, and I wanted to see for myself what all the fuss was about.”

Despite his annoyance at being caught, and apprehension over what was going to happen to him, he couldn’t help noticing again how delicate and pretty Dirk’s features were, how sturdily he stood before him. There was an air about him that was intimidating and deliciously intriguing all at the same time.

“Bullshit,” said Dirk, but he sounded a little unsure.

“It’s true!” Jake insisted. “I swear on my mother’s life, I was only trying to get a peek at the festivities. Nothing unsavory or malicious intended on you or your family. I don’t even know any of you, my parents say you’re an awful sort although they won’t say why. I suppose I don’t know what to believe anymore, ever since I met you today I’ve been all mixed up.”

“Wait-- met today…? What is he talking about?” Dave asked Dirk. 

“I spotted him watching us during the lawn party, and confronted him about it afterward,” Dirk said.

Dave’s mouth turned down at the corner ever so slightly. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

Dirk didn’t take his eyes off Jake. “Didn’t seem important.”

4.

“Like hell it isn’t important!” Dave faced his body towards Dirk, confronting. “You catch a rando creepin’ on us from the depths of the forest while we’re in the process of gulping down some sweetened lemon acid, and you fail to mention someone’s takin’ notes on our way of life as if we were some new and exciting specimen up for grabs at a circus?!” 

Dirk huffed, unwilling to put up with Dave’s rambling at that very moment. Usually, any perceivable action from Dirk would catch his younger brother’s attention, and silence him immediately. Yet, it seemed as if Dave was purposefully trying to test his patience today.

“--and I wondered why you kept quieter than usual back then. Now, I can see your mind was on fucking cloud nine in fantasy land knowing someone was watching you while we were none the wiser. Hell, you could've--” 

“Dave, that’s  _ enough _ .” 

“Like hell it’s enough! You never seem to think about anyone but yourself, keeping all your fucking secrets lately and --”

Dirk’s fist cut through the air at an alarming speed.

Dave braced himself for impact, knowing that finally he had taken it just a little bit too far. 

His knuckles stung, white hot pain creeping up his arm. Dirk lowered his hand from where it hit the tree, blood seeping through the scratched skin, outburst suddenly over. He had made his point, and now demanded attention.

“Dave. Go back inside, and don’t mention what happened today to anyone.” Dirk subtly motioned his head towards Karkat. “That goes for you too, Vantas. We can talk about it later, once it’s all settled, but first,” Dirk looked back towards one Jake English, “I must have a word with this fellow.”

Karkat murmured something under his breath, tugging Dave’s arm and motioning for him to follow. Dave hesitated, a small nugget of pride unwilling to back away from that confrontation, but Karkat’s insistent tugging reminded him there’s nothing to win by staying. That, and he’d much rather hang around Karkat at the moment. Today has simply not been his day.

As the other two walked away, Dirk sighed, bits of tension leaving his stressed soul.

On the other hand, Jake —(darn his twisted brain)— could not stop looking at how that darned vest fit the older Strider so well. 


End file.
